


how'd i ever get so indiscreet

by fivegays



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: (discussion of it anyway), (listen if it comes from me there's GONNA be hand and finger kink, Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Jobs, Knifeplay, M/M, Marijuana, Multi, Polyamory, Voyeurism, this is a wild set of tags I KNOW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 07:17:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19313290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fivegays/pseuds/fivegays
Summary: Pat’s covered in blood. Red splotches stain his hands, up his forearms, his formerly pristine white button up. He’s got it in the hollows of his cheeks, above his brow, he can feel the way it dries and tightens on his skin. He can hear people coming, footsteps down the hall clumsy and quick, reminding him he has to act fast.Oh, and he works in an Escape Room.





	how'd i ever get so indiscreet

**Author's Note:**

> from a request on my tumblr, les-brian  
> "consider an au where pat works at an escape room and brian and jonah show up high as FUCK and obviously they're gay so that means they're stupid as hell and they keep having to ask for hints and flirt every time they get one and it's like. the horrible kind of flirting you do when you're extremely high"
> 
> this ran away from me and got horny on the way. oops! also don't worry this is consensual these boys KNOW what they're doing

Pat’s covered in blood. Red splotches stain his hands, up his forearms, his formerly pristine white button up. He’s got it in the hollows of his cheeks, above his brow, he can feel the way it dries and tightens on his skin. He can hear people coming, footsteps down the hall clumsy and quick, reminding him he has to act fast.

Oh, and he works in an Escape Room.

He didn’t like the job, not in the slightest- he had to shower after work every night to scrub the prop blood off, but it always left him with stained skin, no matter how often he begged the faculty to switch brands, or stop running the fucking murderer room. But no, it was their most popular room, and Pat sold the escaped victim part, as if that was supposed to be some kind of compliment.

He hears the footsteps stop and realizes that’s his cue, and he slams out of the room, notes that his arm is gonna pay for that later.

Oh.

His customers this time are a tall bearded man and- what can he say, a shorter twink.

And they’re just giggling at him as he breathes raggedly before them, and if Pat squints- their eyes seem too red to be sober. Great. His _favorite_ kind of customer.

“Jonah, Jonah, we’re gonna die in here- you’ll protect me, right?” The shorter man clings to, Pat figures, _Jonah_ , and yep, he clocked that one. Good, high _and_ a couple. He didn’t get too many weird couples making out in the murder room, on the account of it being a murder room, but it’s more than he’d like to remember. He hopes these two won’t be another on the tally.

“You’re the detectives?” Pat quirks a brow and realizes he says it with a little too much snark, takes it again. “I’ve seen- I’ve _lived_ the horrors in there, and- are you sure you’re ready for that?” Pat pauses for dramatic effect, watches their faces for any kind of reaction- only to get a similarly dramatic gasp from the shorter one and a puffed chest from Jonah.

“We’ll defeat him- won’t we Brian?” The bravado breaks into high giggles as Jonah curls down into Brian’s shoulder, and Pat shouldn’t have expected anything more. It’s his cue to leave anyway, return to his desk post in another room and give hints over a walkie talkie. Still encrusted in cheap fake blood, but he’d be sitting and mostly absent at least.

Or so he thought.

He’s just barely arrived back at his desk when he hears mumbling over his walkie.

“How’re you doing, detectives? Seen the scum of humanity yet?” Pat asks into the receiver, and waits a moment for a response.

“It’s nasty in here!” He hears Brian shout at some distance away from the walkie, then Jonah’s laughter much closer. It’s- it’s weird how he can tell, already, but Jonah’s voice is deeper. Huskier. Laughter rises from his chest, where Brian’s is bubblier, from his throat.

“Right,” Pat responds, because he doesn’t have a response scripted for _it’s nasty in here_.

“Dude really needs to learn some hygiene, watch some Marie Kondo like the rest of us!” Brian again, closer than before but still far enough that Pat needs to lean in to hear. Brian laughs at his own joke, gets closer with each sound. Must have stopped looking for clues, trading places, Pat figures as he hears a shuffling of plastic between hands.

“Can we have a hint?” He nearly sings it, and Pat wonders if he should ask him about working here too. Seems like he’d be good at it.

“Already? Okay-” Pat clears his throat, starts again. “Y’know the saying, ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away?’ I’ve never understood it.” There’s silence over the line, then a click, a laugh.

“That’s the hint?” Brian groans and cuts himself off by ending the call. What did they expect, coming to any kind of puzzle room high? Most people didn’t make it through sober-

The line starts up again.

“Jonah, what if the victim is actually the _murderer_ ,” Brian says it like a scandal, and Pat wonders why he’s being included in this, almost speaks up when-

“Think about it! Covered in blood, talks about the horrors in there, asks if we’re ready to see what lies in the hearts of evil.” He can almost see the movements with the narration, sweeping hands and wiggling fingers as he draws out _eeeeeeviiiil._ Pat barks a laugh, because yeah, that’s what they all think.

“I think that’s his job, Brian.” Jonah’s voice startles him, he hadn’t expected him to be so close to the walkie too. What were they doing? Just shooting the shit, throwing around ideas until their time was up? “Plus, you said you thought the blood was hot.” Pat feels a rush of heat prickle up his cheeks when Jonah says that, can guess Brian does the same thing.

“It _is_ , first of all. Did you see his arms? I’d let him murder me, too.” There’s a clatter of metal over the line, and while Pat’s concerned, he can’t find the words to ask what happened. Can’t find words, period.

Doesn’t want this to be over, not yet.

“Would you?” Jonah’s voice is low, intimate, sends a shameful thrill down Pat’s spine. “Let him hold a knife to your throat, mark you up and kiss the scars?” Someone sighs, Brian, he guesses, and then there’s the distinct sound of a kiss, muffled by wherever the walkie is. Did they know? Should Pat say something? He should kick them out, it’s part of the agreement that they don’t make out in the rooms. In more legal terms than that. He’s done it before, he can do it again.

He doesn’t want to.

“He mentioned a doctor,” Brian sighs, and Pat can hear Jonah keep kissing him. Down his neck, he imagines, because Brian keeps talking. He touches his own neck, doesn’t know whether he’s trying to take Brian’s place or Jonah’s or just _be there_. “The good doctor, as it were. Inspecting me, doing whatever he wants with me. Would you let him, Jonah?” Jonah shudders this time, meets Brian’s lips again as he whines into the kiss. He runs a hand through his hair, pulls, exposes his throat to the touch that isn’t there.

“Of course, baby,” Jonah coos. “As long as you promise to share.” Pat bites his hand and his eyes widen, hadn’t realized how much this was doing for him. His mind runs wild and leaves his body in the dust, picturing Jonah above him, Brian left to whine and watch, or both of them teasing Brian together, seeing how overstimulated he could get before he cries. It’s a hard job, being here, makes him a little bitter, a little mean. Maybe he can take it out on Brian.

“Y-you’d ask how my visit went,” Brian stammers, Pat figures Jonah’s got his hand down his pants now, fingers rough and unrelenting, standing over Brian, making him feel small. He made Pat feel small, even. “Check what pretty cuts he put on me today- how hoarse my voice is- m-make me describe how he-”

“Fucked you?” Jonah finishes for him. Brian and Pat moan almost in sync, and he can just crawl past the humiliation in all of this to palm himself over his stained jeans. What he wouldn’t give to see this unfold before him, see Brian’s expression change to shock before his head drops back from the way Jonah’s wrist twists in his boxers.

“You don’t even know his _name_ , Brian,” Jonah’s voice is so close to the receiver now, like Pat’s there and it makes him want to scream. “You’d be such a whore for someone you barely know?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Brian cries, buries his face in Jonah’s shoulder from the way his voice gets quieter. “Yes, yes, I wanna be so good for him- for you, _both_ , please Jonah-” Jonah laughs in a way that makes Brian cry again, makes Pat shiver.

 _Both_ , he thinks.

He picks up the walkie.

Click.

Static.

“My name’s Pat,” He sighs into the receiver. “Do you want another hint?”

 


End file.
